Shake it like you mean it

I guess the longer I work in corporate America – sorry, fucking corporate America – there will be things I will try but fail at understanding. For instance, handshake etiquette – what’s the proper, professional way to spread germs via your hands. Seriously, when I was at Morgan – the golden rule was a ‘nice firm grip and look the person in the eye” but I corporate America that shit is gone – maybe because most of the fucks in companies are most focused on how they’ll fuck you vs. looking in yer eyes. I shake hands in this way to this date – firm & eye contact – I guess because I’m not looking to fuck anyone – I’m looking to fund Robcast lol. But I noticed that some of the people I came up with in the company have assimilated to this “how can I fuck this person” mentality. Clearly, I questionable handshake is a fuck you. Think about it, politicians do that “double hand shake” the one that looks like a bear trap because they want to pull you in and not let you go. I’m sure that douche Rod Blagovich does that handshake – BTW he has some of the worst hair. I’ve never really been the type to have ulterior motives – I’m not always direct but I’m not out to fuck someone over like my peers. An example, there was a new person, fresh out of college entering a job that I had – I thought I could take her under my wing – she had a peculiar handshake ( if I knew what I know now – I would have told her to “tell yer story walking” but I didn’t) and she turned I fucking me over.

Recently, I met my brother, Langdon, for the first time – my family & I visited Clovis, New Mexico for his wedding. Congrats to Langdon & Amanda. During my time there I got drunk & faded. But through the haze of some potent Cali tree, I learned things – 1. Brisket Green chili are bomb 2. Never take shot after shot after shot of Patron with a Mexican 3. Red Chili will ruin yer asshole and 4. Fuckers created this poor handshake etiquette 5. Farwell Co. TX blows (seriously, we got a $300 speeding ticket, Basterds) 6. American Airlines isn’t tall or fat friendly 7. Pay yer parking tickets 8. Tim Burton does a lot of drugs 9. Wade Phillips isn’t as big as he looks on TV (and most importantly) 10. It’s great to have a whole new part of my family. I met mad folks – Pat, Justin & Sarah, Phyllis, and Marcus (who sticks out the most in this instance). Marcus not only had some bomb Verde but he had point about handshakes in Clovis – “If I sell you (something), I will look you in the eye and shake your hand – it means I stand by it and if something happens to be wrong I will fix it.” That was important to me (clearly, it had to be because I was zooted and still remember it). I also noticed that Clovis, a place I’m considering as the new base of operations, has people who don’t wanna fuck you over like in larger cities – I respect that – I took that feeling of enlightenment back to Baltimore and back to work. And I’m content in saying “Damn, why didn’t I stay in Clovis – there are a lot of assholes here” lol.

So the moral of the story is handshakes are for people who are creditable/ trustworthy. Handshakes fall under body language – if it’s a weak handshake or an insincere handshake, this usually tells you about the person & their intentions.

For more of Rob, visit: http://mastermindteam.podomatic.com/