Flush twice, 1 for the bulk and again for the remainder

Going to a restroom outside of home is always an adventure. (I wonder why it’s called a restroom – no one is taking a nap while shitting – I think going forward I’ll call it the “toilet”) So, going the toilet outside of home is always an adventure. For starters, if yer like me you are very cautious about what comes near yer ass – toilets in a fast food establishment are strict no-no’s - its funny because that food is likely to make you shit. Secondly, I try to avoid malls – people tend to fuck in the stalls – so I rather not step, let alone, sit in jizz. However, ol’ Rob doesn’t what people to stop banging in the malls – do that shit – “Keep on fuckin’”. Moving on, I usually visit the toilet at work – I work in an office building. For starters, I’m like a portly ninja when planning a trip to the toilet – I don’t want anyone who may be in the vicinity to discern I am shitting. Much like Modern Warfare, my shits are covert missions. I secure the perimeter and then enter the room to assassinate the toilet – lol. If some is fucking around – you know washing hands or something – I feint washing my glasses and wait them out. Then I pounce – ass first to that porcelain prey. Lol. I do my think – no talking, make some undo on my cell phone and I am very discrete when leaving. I’m a little obsessed on concealing my actions. On the other hand, some people want to broadcast there shits – like breaking news or special reports. Seriously, for instance who makes a phone call from the toilet? Reading the paper is fine but dude you can’t be that busy that yer shits need to be productive time. Speaking of time, some dudes are in such a rush that I’d imagine them kick the door in to a toilet, forcing out the waist, up trou’, no time to wipe nor wash hands because they’re being timed. Fuckin’ yuck – they’re a hell of a lot of people who rather not wash their hands. I’m like “Bro, that hand’s been in yer ass and that hand has touched the door, handle and probably yer junk – think of others”. And then there’s the socializers – who the fuck talks in other dudes in the bathroom – I think if cocks are out there is no reason to talk, that conversation can wait a few minutes. Especially after that Larry Craig incident in 2007 – my feet don’t move and I talk to no one a toilet – fuck that. No homophobia, I just don’t want any misunderstandings. Furthermore, those dudes who hold conversations all sound creepy as fuck – Ken Kaniff style. The best ones sound like Sam Elliot. All and all I think toilet etiquette should be based in discretion.