X & Y

Admittedly, there are a lot of things I don’t understand and I’ll possibly never understand. In many instances, I am a calculated person – you know the type, who actually thinks before he speaks – someone who’s not impulsive and thinks of others’ feelings. For the most part, I’ve always exhibited these qualities but sometimes I slip up. Also, I’m a loyal person. In relationships, I don’t stray. If I’m your lover, I’m YOUR lover and If I’m your friend, then I’m YOUR friend. I have all types of friends – business/goal oriented, slackers, gay, straight, black and white. My relationships are EEO practices. One issue that is prevalent, when you are around diverse people is that you cannot please everyone. Whether its not having time for all, or not being excessively generous. I can work with the person to grow and move past these, at-times, trivial matters. Other issues are more difficult to tackle. I have 2 close friends outside of my girlfriend ( I know…. But she’s a great girl and she puts up with my shit, so fuck off, lol), X ( a gay male) and Y ( a lesbian).
X is a great dude. We shared a lot and challenged each other in HS and college. I had no idea he was gay, but I sort of suspected it. I would joke about it and he maintained that he like women and that was good enough for me. I wasn’t harsh when ridiculing him about being more effeminate than I and he’d mock me about being a fat ass. Good ol’ fashion ball-busting (probably poor choice of word here but moving on). X after we graduated from school, admitted that he was married to a male. I was shocked that he’d lie and maintain it. I was surprised that he was in long enough of a relationship to consider himself married and that he could tell me about this shit when we were pretty close. He’d talk about chicks in school, but I know now it was all code for a dude he was reaming. I’m sensitive to other’s feelings when its necessary. I will admit that our relationship has changed due to that lack of trust and openness (probably another of those questionable words to use). I accept it and he’s still a friend but we don’t kick it as much, due, primarily to our schedules (seriously, he was manicures on Thursdays and I have pedicures on Fridays. Lol bad, right?) But regardless, that’s my boy and that status won’t change because who he bangs was never my preoccupation.
Y is my oldest and most loyal friend. I’ve known her for 10 years. I was attracted to her before she was into chicks. I accepted that part of her early in the game. She’d come over my house and we’d write songs and think about ways to make money. Our relationship changed when I was courting my girlfriend but we remained strong friends. If we didn’t see each other for months it was cool because when we’d see each other, we’d pick up right where we left off. Sometimes, I think she’d choose me over her girlfriends and I’ll admit that was a good feeling. I appreciated her and it showed that she appreciated me. Occasionally, I would question different things about being gay and she’d explain her views and I feel better educated about the topic. My questions went on. I wanted to fully understand the gays ( homophobia, huh?). Somehow, I was deemed as Y’s most homophobic friend ( oh, snap!!!!). Y downplayed it as if it was just my nature and that’s she’d just have to accept it. I was shocked, even outraged. I consider myself accepting and open ( eh, I may need to revise my use of this open word) . That declaration changed things and, admittedly I was pissed, but later I looked introspectively to determine whether I could improve on my interactions with all and whether I just think I spare the feeling of others. So I worked at it and its still a work in progress but I’m glad I still have Y as a friend.
If you’ve had relationships such as the ones above hit me up and share your story.