Flush twice, 1 for the bulk and again for the remainder

Going to a restroom outside of home is always an adventure. (I wonder why it’s called a restroom – no one is taking a nap while shitting – I think going forward I’ll call it the “toilet”) So, going the toilet outside of home is always an adventure. For starters, if yer like me you are very cautious about what comes near yer ass – toilets in a fast food establishment are strict no-no’s - its funny because that food is likely to make you shit. Secondly, I try to avoid malls – people tend to fuck in the stalls – so I rather not step, let alone, sit in jizz. However, ol’ Rob doesn’t what people to stop banging in the malls – do that shit – “Keep on fuckin’”. Moving on, I usually visit the toilet at work – I work in an office building. For starters, I’m like a portly ninja when planning a trip to the toilet – I don’t want anyone who may be in the vicinity to discern I am shitting. Much like Modern Warfare, my shits are covert missions. I secure the perimeter and then enter the room to assassinate the toilet – lol. If some is fucking around – you know washing hands or something – I feint washing my glasses and wait them out. Then I pounce – ass first to that porcelain prey. Lol. I do my think – no talking, make some undo on my cell phone and I am very discrete when leaving. I’m a little obsessed on concealing my actions. On the other hand, some people want to broadcast there shits – like breaking news or special reports. Seriously, for instance who makes a phone call from the toilet? Reading the paper is fine but dude you can’t be that busy that yer shits need to be productive time. Speaking of time, some dudes are in such a rush that I’d imagine them kick the door in to a toilet, forcing out the waist, up trou’, no time to wipe nor wash hands because they’re being timed. Fuckin’ yuck – they’re a hell of a lot of people who rather not wash their hands. I’m like “Bro, that hand’s been in yer ass and that hand has touched the door, handle and probably yer junk – think of others”. And then there’s the socializers – who the fuck talks in other dudes in the bathroom – I think if cocks are out there is no reason to talk, that conversation can wait a few minutes. Especially after that Larry Craig incident in 2007 – my feet don’t move and I talk to no one a toilet – fuck that. No homophobia, I just don’t want any misunderstandings. Furthermore, those dudes who hold conversations all sound creepy as fuck – Ken Kaniff style. The best ones sound like Sam Elliot. All and all I think toilet etiquette should be based in discretion.

ADIDAS

I was searching for something to watch last night when I scanned to HBO. I saw Katie Morgan's Sex Quiz - I remembered her from Kevin Smith's Zack & Miri make a porno - so, I thought I'd give her a shot ( a watched it and didn't make a cumshot.). I concluded that this wasn't bad - sure, her nudity drew me in but the show was informative and she was pretty funny (tee-hee-hee). So this morning, it struck me why in a country where the news reports murder, drug crimes and deviancy that porn is hated with such fervor? Shit, we what reality TV possibly more than any other country - hell, we have other countries' reality TV.

So let me get this straight, we can watch pseudo-scripted aspects of what we are suppose to perceive is how regular people act - don't people fuck. Albeit, not the milkman or in the ass hardly enough. But pornography is vilified, where for the most part, for doing shit that we all think of – A-D-I-D-A-S bitches. I’d rather watch Cody Lane, Lacey Duvalle or Elena Heiress before watching Ray J, Tila Tequila or Bret Michaels hookup. Reality shows evoke sex, but it’s a tease – oh, what we can watch Big Brother after hours on Showtime. There’s that naughty sex and nudity again. Here's how porn is more responsible thus better than reality TV - most people who watch porn know that this shit will not likely happen to them ever!!!! However, reality TV tries so hard and achieves with some people evoke realness and people aspire to be on TV - being a reality star seems to be one of the easier ways to do it. Most dudes can't go into porn because they won't meet either stamina or size requirements - and chicks won't do it because they may be turned off to filming sexy or some of the sexual situations. However, if College Hill is coming to yer local campus, fuckers are lined up to be on TV - to show how "real" they are. (Nell Carter style) Give me a motherfucking break.

People get over yerself, porn isn’t that bad – sure there are scenes from “Big Wet Butts” but who doesn’t like a big wet butt. There’s no need to shame someone interested in creampies – its content – the same as watching a very cheesy movie with a formulaic plot, Also, why is any movie that relies on a certain plot elements described as porn? Check it – Precious and 2012 have been described as “poverty porn” and “disaster porn” respectively – I’ve not seen either movie so I hope the writers & critics are just using the term “porn” – I have no interest in seeing Mo-Nique getting railed or John Cusack ( he’s gotta porn name – John CuSACK or John Hughsack, lol) getting blown.

It was said that “a picture is worth a 1000 words” so how much is a moving picture worth? How much would that moving picture be worth if the picture was of a gangbang (blacks on blonds, anyone) ? I guess my point is – people always want to tell others how to live their lives – don’t watch porn, don’t drink, etc. But its your life to live so watch as much 40oz bounce as you want and don’t feel ashamed – its all natural and all sexy. (lol)

excuse any errors - no time to edit

HBFU

Yesterday was pretty interesting – I think it may have been a sign – so I’ll express my views on HBCUs. I’ll lay the foundation – during work I had a discussion about the NFL and my coworker is a Vikings fan, she’s from MD but a Vikings fan; it makes no sense to me either. I mentioned that Visanthe Shiancoe when to my alma mater, Morgan State University. She was surprised about his attendance there but then began to talk about Morgan in a negative manner. I defended by school and concluded that she obviously knew very little about the school – a victory for Ol’ Rob Lee. However, I was vexed. I felt the negative comments where more a statement based in stereotypes or negative publicity. Later in the day I heard about the plan in MS to merge Alcorn State, Mississippi Valley State into Jackson State, thus combining 3 HBCUs in MS into 1. Gov. Haley Barbour cites economic demands as the driving force in this program. I think “shit, isn’t there a lot of colleges in general in MS, so why not do some of the others and “Steve McNair and Jerry Rice when to those schools” So I think about what people have said about Morgan, Coppin and UMES. I haven’t heard great things – But I think it’s unjust. I went to Morgan and received a great education – I’ve made a very diverse group of people I’ll call friends. I got the college experience. Its not a bad rap video – however fuckin’ BET’s College Hill tried to make HBCUs look like shit. Don’t get me wrong – there’s niggas there but there’s niggas everywhere. However, a lot of good students, good people who may be in a fucked up situation get a chance from HBCUs. For instance, Todd Bozeman fucked up at Cal and was “blackballed” (funny term in my mind) from coaching, so where did he turn up? at Morgan, you silly goose. Hell, I attended MSU with former gang members and drug dealer – all looking to receive a second chance or maybe to learn “who not to get caught again”. More importantly, look at when these colleges/universities were founded ( 1867 for Howard and Morgan). I doubt that yer average black person could go to an Amherst College or University of MD. HBCUs were our place to become more. I wasn’t a bad student coming out of HS but University of Miami or University of MD as not in my future so Morgan became an option. It’s a historically black college but I’ve made Latino, Jewish and White friends at Morgan. More so than at my HS, I’ve met very important public and business figures again at an HBCU. I earned the opportunity to broadcast on the radio – which is one of the reasons I do Robcast. I earned my real-life job from an HBCU – so I think if yer there to learn you’ll do well but ignore these fucks who say otherwise – we’re all individuals. With that said – what would you think of yer Gov. planning to combine yer alma mater with two other schools due to the “economy”?

(excuse my grammer, its a blog)

Title: Rob Lee of Baltimore

Whatever happened to doing something great for a title? I mean you have the prince of this and the queen of that but none of these elite people have done anything. I’d rather have a title of where I’m from like the namesake of my now defunct elementary school – Charles Carroll of Carollington than being the prince of portly, I’m just saying. Some of these people just give themselves titles because they’re egotistical and pretentious. Others are given a title by some governing body or an ass with a big mouth. Think about it – watch a NFL game on CBS – and the commentator breaks to a live read on one of the crappy shows they’re pushing like NCIS: LA. Is this show great? Is James Todd Smith an excellent actor? My answers two both of these queries would be two letter words ending with an “o”. The best new, you fill in the blank, and that shit’s fine but I think its misleading because they’re been many times when a show is the best new whatever because it’s the only new whatever- it’s the best by default. Like when a boxer gets a vacated championship because the current champion has to go to jail – he’s not the best, he’s just in the right place. And we all know that boxing is shitty – but look at other spots – MLB doesn’t give the Baltimore Orioles the championship because the Yankees, Red Sox, and pretty much any other team isn’t playing. The season would be cancelled first.

Are these titles based on opinion, statistical data? Because the stats are fucked - Nielsen ratings for TV programs as skewed to the heartland of America – that’s why shows like Joan of Arcadia or any other religious-oriented shows get canned and everyone you speak to likes it – its audience acclaimed. This is why UPN CW can create these racially irresponsible shows, that’s why wrestling gets the rating it gets. That’s why BET and TV One doesn’t have any new, fresh and positive ethnic entertainment – its usually the reruns of Good Times, that we all love. I thought once blacks got control of something they’d at least do some positive with it. Secondly, I watch and enjoy wrestling but a lot of the gimmicks, Cryme Time or Kofi Kingston for instance, are very racially irresponsible. Every black dude is not a street thug or hustler – just most of them and every “Jamaican”( because the dude playing Kofi is actually Ghanaian) doesn’t party and go “Boop, Boop, Boop” I’m just saying.

But back to the titles, I hate when someone calls themselves the queen of … , in music, its lame. If yer a good artist let yer tunes speak for you. Why do you need that false entitlement? Back in the day we had titles which meant nobility or one’s job. I’m the duke of… or Commander… so why should these hacks who get a break in the entertainment world get a title. I’m the “Prince of Preteen Rap” – get the fuckouttahere or “child, please”. As much as I don’t care for his plays, movies and tv shows – Ol’ Tyler Perry doesn’t have a title and I can respect that. I think he came from something and became great at what he does over a time and he may actually be deserving of a title. Here’s one – “Master of creating shit that everyone other than Rob Lee will like” – maybe its too long but I’ll work on it. Let’s move beyond that going forward – the king of rock, the king of pop and queen of soul can keep their shit they earned it but if you’ve been selling records for 5 minutes, yer not royalty yer a fucking musician. Now sing you fuck!!!

3 Random Thoughts

Hey there folks, I know its been a while so here's an update on some things:

1. Robcast - I am currently working on some topics for a slew of new podcasts. I am eager to complete number 20 - I hate odd numbers and my birthday is on the 20th. That number holds some reverence with me. Futhermore, my fucking computer is down and my CBS relationship has been stagnant - so the 2 options for recording a Robcast has been compromised. So please be patient - all 5 of you listeners- Robcast will return.

2. Recently I went to Macy's with Tee. She was buying dress shoes for a dinner at Fogo De Chao. We got meat drunk later, however the women's shoe section in Macy, and possibly all malls, is a clusterfuck. Two of my Lesbian sisters were returning a bunch of shit after a sale - "why not at customer service" is what I thought and an old woman was complaining about her bill. A line began to form behind them. We waited for about an hour total - while looking for shoes and shit. There was a dude who looked like Lester from 227 buying shoes - a bit suspect but who knows. Eventually we were asked to go a shorter line in another part of the store and I was relieved. I will never go to Macy's again - there's no fat guy stuff ( which I relearn everytime I visit) and they didn't have the Polo accessories I wanted, so nothing for Rob) and the wait for some fucking shoes as painstaking and amusing.

3. Lastly, speaking of Macy's. All of these broads who work there are trying to look like models or something - they were likely fashion majors in college or wear Couture. Fuck you. I hate that shit - "baby, that makeup and Dereon won't help you." I think that shit is a front - who are you tryna look good for. Don't get me wrong, I think everyone should look nice but these chicks went overboard - preening and shit. Seriously, get overyerselves. These were the chicks who wouldn't give me or my friends the time of day in school - but would need us to help them study because they were too busy clubbing or getting drilled by the star Quarterback.

Catharsis at its best I guess. Until next time and hopefully, its not 5 months

Watkins out!!!

X & Y

Admittedly, there are a lot of things I don’t understand and I’ll possibly never understand. In many instances, I am a calculated person – you know the type, who actually thinks before he speaks – someone who’s not impulsive and thinks of others’ feelings. For the most part, I’ve always exhibited these qualities but sometimes I slip up. Also, I’m a loyal person. In relationships, I don’t stray. If I’m your lover, I’m YOUR lover and If I’m your friend, then I’m YOUR friend. I have all types of friends – business/goal oriented, slackers, gay, straight, black and white. My relationships are EEO practices. One issue that is prevalent, when you are around diverse people is that you cannot please everyone. Whether its not having time for all, or not being excessively generous. I can work with the person to grow and move past these, at-times, trivial matters. Other issues are more difficult to tackle. I have 2 close friends outside of my girlfriend ( I know…. But she’s a great girl and she puts up with my shit, so fuck off, lol), X ( a gay male) and Y ( a lesbian).
X is a great dude. We shared a lot and challenged each other in HS and college. I had no idea he was gay, but I sort of suspected it. I would joke about it and he maintained that he like women and that was good enough for me. I wasn’t harsh when ridiculing him about being more effeminate than I and he’d mock me about being a fat ass. Good ol’ fashion ball-busting (probably poor choice of word here but moving on). X after we graduated from school, admitted that he was married to a male. I was shocked that he’d lie and maintain it. I was surprised that he was in long enough of a relationship to consider himself married and that he could tell me about this shit when we were pretty close. He’d talk about chicks in school, but I know now it was all code for a dude he was reaming. I’m sensitive to other’s feelings when its necessary. I will admit that our relationship has changed due to that lack of trust and openness (probably another of those questionable words to use). I accept it and he’s still a friend but we don’t kick it as much, due, primarily to our schedules (seriously, he was manicures on Thursdays and I have pedicures on Fridays. Lol bad, right?) But regardless, that’s my boy and that status won’t change because who he bangs was never my preoccupation.
Y is my oldest and most loyal friend. I’ve known her for 10 years. I was attracted to her before she was into chicks. I accepted that part of her early in the game. She’d come over my house and we’d write songs and think about ways to make money. Our relationship changed when I was courting my girlfriend but we remained strong friends. If we didn’t see each other for months it was cool because when we’d see each other, we’d pick up right where we left off. Sometimes, I think she’d choose me over her girlfriends and I’ll admit that was a good feeling. I appreciated her and it showed that she appreciated me. Occasionally, I would question different things about being gay and she’d explain her views and I feel better educated about the topic. My questions went on. I wanted to fully understand the gays ( homophobia, huh?). Somehow, I was deemed as Y’s most homophobic friend ( oh, snap!!!!). Y downplayed it as if it was just my nature and that’s she’d just have to accept it. I was shocked, even outraged. I consider myself accepting and open ( eh, I may need to revise my use of this open word) . That declaration changed things and, admittedly I was pissed, but later I looked introspectively to determine whether I could improve on my interactions with all and whether I just think I spare the feeling of others. So I worked at it and its still a work in progress but I’m glad I still have Y as a friend.
If you’ve had relationships such as the ones above hit me up and share your story.

Cop Movies

What’s the deal with cop movies? Look into cop movies as a vehicle for comedians and comediennes to ignite their acting careers. Looking into Wikipedia and IMDB.com, Whoopi Goldberg and Eddie Murphy have played detectives. Granted Murphy did more cop oriented movies (Beverly Hills 1, 2, 3 and possible 4 to come soon) and the ass known as Metro. I enjoy most of the movies, they’re cult classics at least in the black community. However, why must the detectives be smoove, jive talking flat foots? Most of the cop I’ve been around are dicks and would rather crack your skull than crack a joke. Even moving forward the buddy cop genre have some of the same characteristics. Martin Lawrence and Will Smith star in the Bad Boys franchise and, again, enjoyable movies, but still unrealistic at least to cops in Baltimore. Rush Hour, the movie franchise that Chris Tucker is famous for has the same situa. Chris Tucker is a wisecracking, ass chaser and atypical to a person of law enforcement. I want to find the town in America where the cops make job and do other funny shit. Just a thought.
Also, what’s the deal with the cop movie cliché’s? Really. I’ve seen enough movies to pick out my top five.
1. Bad guys are bad shots – dude go to a friggin’ firing range or something. It’s like the heroes has these one-in-a-million occurrence all through the movie. I just sit there and laugh at the movie will attempt to suspend my disbelief.
2. Ex-wife/ children – every cop in these movies still loves there ex-wife. “You still love that bitch that’s taking half? She’s getting your pension.” Or the cop has a strained relationship with their children.
3. Chase scene – some great ones but some terrible ones. For a while every cop movie I saw was filmed in San Francisco and the cop would drive some sort of battleship or a car. The cop is chasing the Colombian drug lord (a future issue) and he does down the largest decline in a road known to man and scrapes the undercarriage of his car. WTF.
4. Villains/culture shock – what ever happened to regular white criminals? Usually the criminal is named Escobar or using oil sheen in his hair. If the villain is white they tend to be European. That shit. Some of the movies a street smart cop is paired with an import from another country to take down the Triad (this may indeed be the synopsis of a movie I watched). During the hunt for the bad guys shenanigans ensue. The moral of the story is the audience gets to see Jackie and Chris sing “War!”. Bullocks
5. Bad endings – if its not the possible sequel ending, its not a ending at all. This is an issue. I understand that every movie should be a franchise. I mean why not? I’d be all in if Riggs and Murtaugh got there disheveled asses back together but some movies are just good. I love Die Hard 4 but I need to hear “muthafucker” not see Justin Long play Justin Long. Kevin Smith was cool, though.

With that said, I hope Kevin Smith’s movie ( this will sound more like a Homoerotic snuff film than cop movie) “A couple of dicks” breaks away from some on these chiches.

Trains

I am sometimes the most socially awkward person to be around. Its funny, I tend no to care for most people in general – mainly selfish characteristics piss me off. But I tend to work in jobs that are customer service oriented or marketing focused. I guess I’m a professional because coworkers believe I’m a fun guy. News flash I secretly hate most of you. I’m a guy who loves his time and will only share it with a few and if your not included then you should get the hint. Usually, when I don’t like someone or something it is known, however I declare my dislike in a tasteful and tactful manner. As mentioned, I work in marketing; it is my current job with a big company. I would ride a train in to work to save on gas money and I kept quiet during my daily commute to work – you know ear buds in and listening to Atreyu. I find a lot of the commuters to be complete assholes. Seriously, they would take a seat and place their briefcase beside them knowing that the training fills quickly. The train has quiet rules and every passenger wants to be an enforcer – I can whisper on the phone but you can type like a retarded chimp on your MacBook? – Man, eat a dick. They aren’t all bad though. Some people try to make small talk with me and that’s cool but only small talk, I don’t want to be your train buddy. One chick wanted to me swim in her aquarium her among other things but she had two things going against her – I have a great chick and she looked like a clownfish. Yes like Nemo. The chick was cool and when I was up to it we’d talk on the train before work. But I guess human nature dictates that you eventually make some acquaintances.
There was a dude on the train that was a bit younger than I. He is pretty eccentric dude but he spoke to me everyday and attempted small talk. I guess he wanted to make friends and I was the only person in his age range that rode that train. We talked about movies, the Internet and computers. Don would ask me about chicks, because he was horrible with them. I was like a fat ass Casanova or something. I would call Don a nerd but I would call him something that began with an “n” and ended with an “erd”. We’d talk shit about one another – you know good natured ribbing. He was a good dude someone I could be friends with outside of the train. But their was one problem. Dude didn’t understand boundaries. Don’t you hate people can’t stop touching you, you know – a pat on the should, fist bumps and shit like that. I mean, really dude. I ignored it, thinking maybe he’s one of those “pat on the shoulder” kinda guys and that’s how his circle of friends operates. The dude, Don, was on the same train in the afternoon as I. Don was like the little annoying brother than every one has. Eventually, I determined that Don had some issues – meds. Don had to take “happy pills” due to depression and he could control impulses some times. He started replacing those pats on the shoulder and fist bumps with punches. I’m a big buy – 6’3 and over 300, so those punches were miniscule but there was intent behind them. Don was a smaller dude and I didn’t want to play the bully role, I just wanted to have a civil conversation about porn in a crowded car – what’s wrong with that. I allowed the punches and shit to go on for a little while. I mean the conversations about games, girls and guns were cool but keep your fucking hands off of me. Dude didn’t stop didn’t stop its like it was part of the conversation – you know, par for the course. So for every time he hit me in the arm, I punched his in the chest or stomach. I mean short range; you’d be gasping for air punches. Don would fall to his knees and then pop back up like nothing happened. That shit was weird. I began to think Don was a serial killer and I asked him. I never found out because I was relocated to another site never to see Don again. And the moral of this story is never talk to people on the train.

Popularity

Popularity

The older I get the funnier things become to me. Its funny in that ironic way not that annoying, immature or I’ve smoked way too much way. Just ironic. We’ve all had an experience in high school, if you weren’t the most popular kid. Being cut from the football team or being rejected by chicks so many times that it feels more like a sport than a spontaneous event. Oops, it sounds like I’m just talking about myself. Ha! But seriously, I listen to songs such as Lil Wayne’s “Prom Queen” and, at first I thought it was ass, but now listening to the lyrics which, although simplistic, remind me of instances of rejection and makes me laugh at those chicks or “prom queens” who rejected me. I love how when chicks are younger they want the “bad boy” or the dude who doesn’t treat them as well as, say the fat guy in slightly tinted glasses. Again, talking about myself. But really, is this the learning process that most, not all, women go through? The chicks have their fun earlier in life and determine its not for them and eventually look for the guy, who may have been a nerd or shy in high school, to settle down with. I think that’s a bit shitty. Its like why do you want me now? “Oh, that’s right. You’re used up and no one else wants you.” I hate reclamation projects. Don’t get me wrong, I’m speaking of a select audience and its not exclusive to women. Guys are asses too just not in the same way. Guys are brought back down to reality very quickly. The jocks, if they aren’t among the best in the state, they’re shit in college. Some of those jocks were complete assholes that received preferential treatment. I had a few classmates that were the shit in HS but once they hit college in MD they sucked and eventually they transferred another school. Its like they are running from failure. I wasn’t a chump in high school; I was more calculated and somewhat socially inept. I had friends but we were all similar in characteristics from the popular kids. We were into comics, movies and anime while the cool kids like music, fashion and sports. Another thing that I find funny is that people like assholes. Why do you think T.O. is still playing in the league? I wasn’t Mr. Popularity in high school or college when I as nice, an individual and generally quiet, but when I became more of an aggressive and braggadocios person people gravitated to me. Its funny. I always had that as a part of my personality but when it’s the main characteristic of my personality I’m Cool Rob. I’ve grown past a lot of the shyness and am more braggadocios but not an asshole now. I was one but, generally, not now. I guess the moral for you kiddies out there: become an asshole and you’ll be the shit.